We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dignity is for republicans.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
