Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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