I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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