I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
