Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
