Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
