They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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