Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
operation harelip BJ is a go
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Randomize
