I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
