you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
