Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
