I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
