Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
