my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
