about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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