I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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