Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
