She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
