I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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