WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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