I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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