Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
