I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
