R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
MIDGETS
????
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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