That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
