maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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