Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
