My hand turned me down
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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