It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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