Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
