Your dad touched me again.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
