fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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