i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
