I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
