I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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