y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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