I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
