If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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