Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
