Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
