Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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