first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
