me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
