is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
