I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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