i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
