so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
