he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My life is pants optional.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
