if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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