So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
