i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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