dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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