she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
