I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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