Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
