I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
