the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
