i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
