When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
