I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
