And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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