8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
