paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
