and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
