My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
