Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
