i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
