the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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