I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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