These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
