Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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