Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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