my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
