I am puke
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need water and some morals
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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