he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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