carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
