I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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