She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
