Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
