I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
