Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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