I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
